dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
