I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
