I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
