Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
