I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
