I faked an abortion last night.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
