'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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