I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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