Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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