She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
