I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
