I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
