Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
