I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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