Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
