After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
