I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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