don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
