More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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