If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
