I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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