her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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