how can u be prego again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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