drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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