i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
