I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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