haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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