While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
