if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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