ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
