I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
