dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
