Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
