I can feel you judging me through the phone.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
