his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
