all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
