So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
