you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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