Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
