haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
