dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
