I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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