Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
