Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
