I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
