Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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