Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
