I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
