dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
