rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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