Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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